Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
