can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
