I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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