fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
This show inspires me to have sex in space
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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