Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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