if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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