She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
