4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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