I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I just googled if crying burns calories
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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