Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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