we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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