so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
