I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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