my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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