Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
We left an ass print on the piano.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
