this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
