Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
