last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
