Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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