NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
