well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
