Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
