Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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