Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
