I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
