been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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