it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
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