She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
