It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
