Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
