Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
