the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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