i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
