It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
