Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
