some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
