she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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