Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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