Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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