I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
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