Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
