Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i love accidental penises.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
