Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
