The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
