You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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