i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
