I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Randomize
