I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
