it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
