I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
