cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
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