Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
