so explain again why im purple
no
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
