I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
